to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
