I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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