I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
