see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
