My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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