If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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