Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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