I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
