I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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