3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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