Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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