What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
