Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
