you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
