I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So squirting runs in the family.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
