Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
