Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
