You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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