I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
