Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
