i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
