You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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