If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
