I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
