He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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