who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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