Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
