yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
