Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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