He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish they made helmets for livers.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
