He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
