You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
