I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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