"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just want to make out with him forever
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
