Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
