Swine flu. Run for my life!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
