When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
