The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
