We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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