Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
