I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
