I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
