he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
