just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
