She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
