Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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