he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
