I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
