I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
