Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize