She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize