Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
