Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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