I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
