i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Randomize
