Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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