Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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