I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
