remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
