then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
