She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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