so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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