I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
