there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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