How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
