k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
